Aaron Foley’s Boys Come First is that book—the one that had me laughing, cringing, and shaking my head like, “Y’all really out here living like this?” It’s a messy, hilarious, and brutally honest look at friendship, love, and trying to keep it all together when life insists on falling apart. But more than that, it’s a refreshing and necessary take on Black queer joy, struggle, and the unique chaos of dating in your 30s.

Set in a rapidly changing Detroit, the novel follows three friends—Dominick, Troy, and Remy—as they try (and mostly fail) to balance relationships, careers, and their own self-sabotage. Dominick, a successful advertising executive, is moving back home from New York after losing his job at a startup and walking in on his boyfriend of seven years in bed with another man. Returning to Detroit wasn’t in his plans, but now he’s back, figuring out his next move while nursing his bruised ego. Troy, the social chameleon, is feeling trapped by a controlling boyfriend while facing career uncertainty—though his real issue might be that he doesn’t actually know what he wants. Then there’s Remy, a top Detroit realtor known as “Mr. Detroit,” who’s got the professional success but keeps making questionable choices in his personal life, mainly by pursuing attached or unavailable men and wondering why things never quite work out.

What really makes this novel stand out is how Foley keeps the focus on platonic friendship and chosen family. So often, writers force romance between main characters, as if they don’t trust that a strong, engaging story can be built on friendship alone. Foley sidesteps that predictable route and instead gives us a raw, unfiltered portrayal of three men who love each other but don’t always get it right. While Dominick takes centre stage, Troy and Remy each get their moments to shine thanks to the alternating POVs, allowing us to see their individual struggles play out alongside their collective bond.

The conversations in this book had me howling. There are moments that will probably shock non-gay readers, but if you’ve ever been around a group of Black gay men talking freely, this is exactly how they sound. Foley doesn’t sanitise or water down the banter, and the result is some of the sharpest, funniest, and most unfiltered dialogue I’ve read in a long time. I lost count of how many times I highlighted a line to send to someone because the realness was just too much.

And then there’s Detroit. Foley doesn’t just use the city as a backdrop—he makes it a fully realised character. He explores the tensions between “new” and “old” Detroit, especially how gentrification, largely stemming from the 2008 housing crash, has changed the literal face of the city. Dominick, Troy, and Remy have all spent their careers navigating white spaces, but the book also asks what happens when you code-switch too well and start losing touch with your own culture. The portrayal of Detroit isn’t just about the big shifts happening around them; it’s about what it means to hold onto your identity in a place that’s changing whether you like it or not.

Foley also captures the nuances of dating within the gay community, especially as you get older. The book expertly breaks down the subcultures, the pitfalls, and the emotional labour that comes with trying to find love when the dating pool starts feeling more like a puddle. While this story is first and foremost a celebration of being Black and gay, I can imagine many gay men—regardless of race—nodding in agreement at some of these situations.

One line that really stuck with me was:
“The rule was: Boys come first. But what happens when the boys don’t come through?”

Because let’s be real—friendships hold you down far more often than some of these romantic relationships ever will.

This isn’t a coming-out story; it’s a coming-of-middle-age one. Foley delivers sharp social commentary on race, class, and gentrification without making it feel like a lecture. Instead, it’s seamlessly woven into a story that’s fresh, funny, and unapologetically Black and queer. If you love books where the characters are likeable but also the architects of their own downfall, this is a must-read. Imagine Insecure meets Waiting to Exhale, but with a Detroit twist and a whole lot more side-eye-worthy dating drama. Five stars, no notes—go read it.

I rate books using my personal system. See exactly what each rating means here: My Book Rating System Explained (Fiction, Non-Fiction and Memoirs)